In Coffee Spoons

Hey. I exist.

2009-06-21T19:54:07Z

As Kairi pointed out, the longer you put off making your big "This is what's been going on" journal update, the harder it gets. Rambling ho!

School is going...well, it's going. Just a few more weeks left and then I can start worrying about fall semester, which I have to cram a lot of credits into. At least I will no longer be laboring under a flaky teacher whose typos skew the entire course, or a flaky teacher who signs all her correspondence "Peace, love and laughter".

Redoing the outside of the house is pretty much finished. I believe. I hope. I sincerely hope. Looks good. Pics forthcoming.

Went to Mackinac with Mom and Erin, pics also forthcoming. Three guys sitting behind us on the ferry were doing the boat song, so that was stuck in my head all day. We went for the Lilac Festival, but the problem with planning a festival around nature is that nature does not always get the memo. It's been a terrible year for lilacs everywhere. Good times were had anyway. Horses, sunshine, seaside, ice cream, ridiculously expensive gift shops, good times.

Ashley and I both celebrated 25 years without fatal accidents!

KI cake, which wasn't even intentional. We each picked a color we wanted.

This picture will only make sense to one person. That is all that is necessary.

The centre of the adorable birthday fruit plate at the Chinese restaurant we went to. Ashley, don't you have pictures of the little orange peel rabbits?

(Naturally, I have no pictures of the birthday girls. Just food. Go me.)

My fancy-ass camera makes me look like a much better photographer than I am sometimes.

Holly and I are planning a kickass party for the 4th and if you're reading this, chances are pretty damn good you're invited. As kickass as this party is going to be (it is going to be kickass), I'm really just excited to be celebrating Independence Day for the first time since I was a kid. I actually feel patriotic. Not ironically or post 9-11 bandwagony, but genuinely thrilled to see an amazing president turning our country around and making it into something to be proud of again. (President Obama, you are so invited to our party.)

Ummmmmmmm um um. That might be it. For now. I've been reading a lot but I'll save that list for its own entry. I have a lot of random pictures to post. And some memes. Later. Woo.

</rambling>

DO WANT.

2009-06-12T06:00:13Z

Birthday party is tomorrow.

Birthday cake was picked up today.

I am being Patient And Good.

Like this, but more pathetic. A lot more pathetic.

I thought so little they rewarded me by making me the ruler of the Queen's navy!

2009-06-11T03:02:21Z

Typos.

TYPOS.

Oh wait, typos in my favour.

I've emailed her regarding the ones that have actually affected my grade. I refrained from pointing out how many times our textbook stresses the importance of accuracy.

Because, you know, it's only medical data entry.

It's not like what goes in a patient's health records has to be exact.

Not at all.

My professors LOVE me.

2009-05-28T00:33:22Z

Assignment: Write about a memorable childhood event.

Here's my list of possible topics so far.

The Great Potater Incident
The Great Tomater Incident
The Peanut Stuck Up My Nose
The Day I Killed Tommy
The Clown Who Molestered Me
Too Many Hot Dogs
When Momma Birthed the Halfbreed
Daddy Became A Woman
The Day We Shot JFK
Taking The Entire Fist
Killing My First Thai Hooker
When the Dead Walked the Earth

Now accepting votes, alternate suggestions, and moral outrage.

Like you wouldn't have spent the quarter.

2009-05-26T04:30:47Z

Erin and I hit the Memorial weekend garage sales on Sunday.

I love the things you know you will see every time you go to garage sales. The porcelain and silver stuff that looks old and valuable, but never turns out to be. A blue tarp with rusty old machine parts spread over it. Retro kitchen appliances besides their retro boxes with their white plastic all yellowed. Cardboard boxes full of identical-looking Harlequin romance novels. A little table of things covered in crochet cosies, like tissue boxes and candle holders. The NASCAR beer steins and chipped coffee mugs with witty little gems like "Life's a beach". A sad jumble of crappy toys, about half from the Happy Meals of your childhood.

There were a couple inexplicable finds that day. This would have been fun to dress up, but I don't have room in my closet. This, um. I don't know what the hell this is. Guesses so far have been some kind of dust mop attachment and some kind of homemade bicycle seat cover.

The highlight of the day, though? The Mystery Box.

Me: O.O

Erin: Oh, no.

Me: O.O

Erin: No!

Me: Ooooooooooh!

Erin: You are a rube.

Me: Sir! Sir! I shall take this box!

Two dimes and a nickel later...the box turned out to be empty.

Me: ;_;

Erin: A rube, I say.

The plan is to fill the box with a bunch of random stuff and sneak it into someone else's garage sale on another weekend. I've got a wrench, a Barbie head, a Ramen seasoning packet (chicken), a bent pushpin, some fuzzy purple yarn. Other suggestions are welcome.

And afterwards, Erin took me for watermelon ice cream. How long have I been saying watermelon should be an ice cream flavour? A very. Long. Time.

Best day ever!

A gentleman and a scholar? NAY, SIR.

2009-05-20T04:36:58Z

Assignment: Write a letter to your instructor in which a friend or someone you know well introduces you. This sample will help us ensure that you have been placed properly in English.

To Whom It May Concern,

This is a letter of introduction for Megan Denley-Scott; no doubt she selected me to pen this missive in the hopes that I would laud her talents and abilities regarding command of the English language, or perhaps her personal character. I intend to do neither.

For the sad truth of the matter is, Ms. Denley-Scott is a lout and a drunkard. Heaven only knows what madness drives her to the devil’s drink, but as the foul brew passes her lips it leaves behind a coating of pure venom on her wretched tongue. Many a time have I attempted to begin an idle evening’s conversation at our supper club, and been met with the most foul and abusive rejoinders one can imagine in return.

The thick slur of her speech is not, unfortunately, a hindrance to this end. From only a few coherent words in a string of gibberish, one may infer the most nefarious of meanings; the intention of “dunderheaded pigeonbrained gibbetmind” is quite clear, even if the surrounding phrases are “Gnnaaaaaah” and “Nnnngluh.” I do not know if she will transcribe such phrases to her English assignments, or if her handwriting will simply be an incomprehensible scrawl stained with inkblots and rotgut spirits.

Equally unpleasant is Ms. Denley-Scott’s tendency towards sobriquets. It is not with fondness or camaraderie that she refers to myself as “Nancy Dandypants”, “Dandy Nancypants”, or “Arseface McGee”. Rest assured that such nicknames will find their way towards you and the poor others in your classroom. Furthermore, their interchangeable nature will make it difficult to discern to whom she is directing her remarks. This is owing to the brief attention span her drunkenness allows, and please be forewarned that the same will lead to other errors such as repeating the word “bugger” twenty times in a sentence or hitting you over the head with a bottle when she has hit you over the head with a bottle just moments before. (Indeed I should be remiss not to make final note that head trauma is not a possibility but a certainty in your everyday dealings with her.)

With these considerations in mind do I leave you, wishing you the best of luck and God’s patience in dealing with the most detestable member of the Boar’s Head Supper Club.

Regards,

Frances Fitzwilliam III, Esq.

The Tyger

2009-05-17T22:58:21Z

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

(William Blake)

The Sick Rose

2009-05-17T22:57:55Z

O Rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy;
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

(William Blake)

Summer semester.

2009-05-14T16:14:18Z

* Health Software Systems

* Medical Transcription

* Keyboarding

* Moar English Comp.

Someone please explain to me why Keyboarding is not a prerequisite for the two above it.

"The thing about computers is they're really technical." --My Software Systems professor. Oh good lord.

1988.

2009-05-11T17:08:35Z

And now you know where I get my sense of humor, too.

2009-05-10T16:52:19Z

In honor of Mother's Day: Memorable quotes/conversations with my mom.

~

Random quotes:

"Jesus wants us to love each other and help each other and not pay too much attention to the rest, because a lot of the Bible is just, y'know, stuff."

"Praise Jesus and pass the prozac."

"The only thing worse than clown sex would be mime sex."

"I'm not voting unless it's for 'neither of the above'. Or Gumby. Gumby is neither of the above."

"I just had an epiphany! Ooh, I just had another one! I'm either having epiphanies or small strokes. Either way, I'm seeing pretty flashes of light."

~

Mom: I'm glad I don't have eye stalks.

Me: What?

Mom: Well, just imagine if your eyes were on stalks like an alien, instead of in your head. I'd be very depressed.

~

Me: We can't have the cake with the wine. Wine doesn't compliment chocolate.

Mom: Yes, it does! *holds up cake and makes it talk in squeaky voice to wine* Hi there! You look great! You're so full-bodied! I love you!

~

Mom: I don't wanna go to work.

Me: Don't go to work.

Mom: They don't pay me unless I do.

Me: We will live on gumdrops and candy canes brought to us by the elves.

Mom: Okay, that's one plan. Does my eye look better? (Mom hurt her eye earlier and it turned all red and disgusting.)

Me: Nope.

Mom: Good. I'll act like it's a symptom of something even worse. I'll take some liver in my purse and pretend to throw it up at the meeting. Can you throw up your own liver?

Me: I don't know of any disease that causes both retinal bruising and vomiting internal organs.

Mom: Darn. Well, I do like gumdrops.

~

Me: This is stupid. I have to write a story where every sentence starts with the next letter of the alphabet.

Mom: Asshole. Bitch. Cunt. Damn. So on, so on. Zachary had Tourette's.

~

Me: Maybe Charlotte would stop whining if we got another cat.

Mom: What? A kitten?

Me: Yeah, a baby for her to play with. Keep her occupied.

Mom: It didn't work for you when I had Erin...

~

Erin: That guy had a cute butt.

Mom: That's not what you're supposed to be paying attention to! Baptists do not...they're not....Baptists don't have butts!

Me: Not your best save, mom.

Erin: Well, what do they sit on, then?

Mom: On Jesus.

~

Me: I read the other day that supposedly life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.

Mom: *looks around* PLBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT!

~

Jesus.

2009-05-06T20:46:46Z

Had a nightmare last night.

I was in an enormous library, wandering around the floor that was divided into various scientific sections and had all of these antique specimens. I came to a room that had nothing but a giant aquarium, labeled "carnivorous species". I went up to it and looked in, and there were black piranhas and weird eel things and something vague and blurry circling in the very back of the tank. And a lot of dead things. Little dead fish floating at the top, big dead fish half-eaten at the bottom, parts of deer and cows suspended in clouds of blood.

I tapped on the glass, and a huge shark came out of nowhere and slammed up against it, trying to bite my hand. I stumbled back and the shark kept pounding on the glass until it began to crack. Water started to spout up out of the open top of the aquarium, hit the ceiling and then spray down all over the room, and dead fish were falling down with it. When an entire dead deer slammed onto the floor and the cracks in the glass began to spread, I turned and ran.

I was crashing through this endless library with water roaring behind me, running from the water and the shark. I heard people screaming and shelves toppling and I turned back to look just before this dirty, bloody water hit me. Then the room was flooded and I was trapped at the bottom under a huge dead fish. There was a big white fin pinning my arm, and my left side was jammed into its gory torn-open belly and caught there, and I was fighting like hell to get free before I drowned or got eaten.

That's when I woke up struggling under all of my blankets and all of my pillows, with my left side jammed between the bed and the wall.

Jesus.

Erin, did this motherfucker get lost en route to your room?

Ash Wednesday

2009-05-05T20:59:27Z

Goodnight goodnight
Leave all your toys
Candles and cats
A few stupid boys
And a rock for good luck
Two different eyes
Leave your red birds to sing us lullabies
And some books and a baby
A ceiling of gold
The New York yankees
And a bottle of snow

Fucking Cold Stone song's stuck in my head now.

2009-05-04T19:46:59Z

Had me a fine weekend.

Annie and Ryan were up, and they came over Friday night. We took turns sucking ass at Cooking Mama, went out for pizza, sat on the curb outside Radio Shack and passed around a bag of marshmallows (while talking about how sad it was to be doing that) and then decided Erin was due to get drunk for the first time ever. And she did indeed! It was very adorable.

Erin: *weaving back and forth across room* Hahaha! I thought that whole balance thing was made up!

Annie: Can you hand me that?
Erin: No. Well, I could, but I'm lazy and I've got a drink in my hand.
Megan: See, NOW you're in college.

We were drinking rum and coke, UV Blue, and Jager bombs. Erin found out she likes all three, which I think increases the number of drinks she likes to...three. We got her to do a few shots as well, which she had said she would not do. (I think the shots were of the leftover pomegranate vodka? From when Holly came over?) Annie and I got "where did my pants go" bombed. Ryan killed half a bottle of Jager. On his own. In one drink. And was completely sober within a few hours. Good times. Good times.

P.S. Tattoo Dark Spiced Rum? Yummy yummy.

Saturday Annie and Ryan and I mini-road-tripped it on over to TC. Really, going anywhere from my house is a 2 hour drive. It's the shameless singing along to bad pop music that makes the mini-road-trip difference. We did a bit of aimless meandering in Hocus Pocus, which is really all one does in Hocus Pocus. The guy there did a couple tricks for Annie-- the one with the cups and the ball, the one with the little jewel stick-- and she was delighted, either because she possesses an innocent childlike joy or because she'd accidentally taken two Klonopin. We went to Borders, where I used up something like fifty bucks worth of credit card reward coupons-- got a book on the beginnings of modern surgery, a humongous H.P. Lovecraft collection, and a complete Arthur Rimbaud collection with a hideous blue and orange cover. (I say hideous, but I love it dearly.)

We also went to dinner at at one of those janky strip-mall Chinese buffets with Jake, a friend of Ryan's, and Jake's girlfriend Egg. Egg is not actually named Egg. But I cannot remember her real name. Because she is Egg. The food was awful. Annie and I were sitting together at one end of the table, exchanging pathetic expressions every time we tried something. The fried rice was bad. The fried rice. I'm not even sure how you do that. We were also sitting together at the end of the table ignoring Jake's chatter about dagohir and ignoring Egg. I think Jake's serious interest in dagohir pretty much sums up Jake.

The food was, in fact, so bad that Ryan treated us to ice cream afterwards. Which was awesome, because it was Cold Stone. And which sucked, because somebody fucking tipped.

Sunday I mainly spent going "blaaaaaaaaaaaargh" from an overdose of alcohol and human contact.

Good times. Good times.

Context is for pussies.

2009-05-01T15:16:34Z

[00:04] Seiran79: Dude, my tits are VERY high-res.

[18:41] dissolute19: I love how you just take my gorgeous hair on faith.

[23:38] dissolute19: We are of one mind. One koala mind.

[16:28] dissolute19: Aw, I wouldn't bleed on them. They're pretty.

[16:20] dissolute19: Fun fact: Promises made with somebody's hand slowing down on your dick are 1000% less useful than promises made in ordinary circumstances.

[02:49] dissolute19: That is why you always try to drink enough on Saturday night to still be a *little* tipsy on Sunday morning. As a protective barrier against Ian McShane.

Mad Tom of Bedlam

2009-04-26T17:34:06Z

To see Mad Tom of Bedlam
Ten thousand miles I've travelled
Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes
To save her shoes from gravel

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

I went down to Satan's kitchen
For to break my fast one morning
And there I got souls popping hot
All on the spits a-turnin'

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

They' spirits got hot as lightning
Did on that journey guide me
The sun did shake and the pale moon quake
Wherever they did spy me

Yet it's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

My staff has murdered giants
And my pack a long knife carries
For to slice mince pies from children's thighs
From which to feed the faeries

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

Tonight I'll go a murderin'
The man in the moon to a powder
His dog I'll shake and his staff I'll break
And I'll howl a wee bit louder

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

To see Mad Tom of Bedlam
Ten thousand miles I've travelled
Mad Maudlin goes on dirty toes
To save her shoes from gravel

It's well that we sing bonney boys
Bonney mad boys
Bedlam boys are bonney
For they all go bare, and they live in the air
And they want no drink nor money

To get laid we go eep eep eep.

2009-04-24T17:37:08Z

This video? Kairi's fault. Entirely. Kairi's. Fault.

Mad Girl's Love Song

2009-04-20T18:41:35Z

I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

(Sylvia Plath)

I'm not addicted, I'm just really lazy.

2009-04-18T03:21:33Z

Me: Man, I oughta clean this ashtray out one of these days.

Holly: Yeah, it's starting to need it. Some of these look old enough to be from our last party.

Me: Yeah, I think they are.

Erin: WHAT?

Me: Huh?

Erin: You haven't cleaned that ashtray out since NEW YEAR'S?

Me: Uh, no...

Erin: @!$#! I thought you were cleaning it regularly like a normal person! I thought that was like two weeks worth of butts and thought you were in total denial about being addicted! I was WORRIED about you!

Me: Oh! Oh no, no. That's four months worth right there.

Erin: @$#@!#@$@!%!@!%@#%!

Holly: Lulz.

Pretty people get pwned.

2009-04-14T02:03:08Z

For whatever reason, I can't find a video of this on YouTube with embedding enabled. WTF?

Anyway.

Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent

Besides the jaw-drop of the performance itself, the before-and-after reactions are so damn delightful.

Regarding the latest episode of House M.D.

2009-04-07T17:13:33Z

WTF

WTF

WTF

WTF

WTF

I'm just going to keep right on posting about gin.

2009-04-05T19:39:44Z

Holly came over for a couple of days. It is really ridiculous how close we live to each other versus how often we see each other.

We drank a good amount of gin and a good amount of pomegranate vodka and did a couple cement mixers. This makes the second time I have voluntarily done a cement mixer, and I believe the third time for Holly. We are unique and stupid snowflakes.

We watched Repo! and Newsies. Holly hadn't seen Newsies before, but had the appropriate reaction: "My god, those two are totally in love with each other. How did Disney get away with this?"

Aaaand we had ourselves a little art project. We've both been mediating between friends lately, and dealing with passive-aggressive people. Thus did we hit on two important points:

1. One of the reasons we are friends is because we're both okay saying and/or hearing "You're being fucking ridiculous, and you need to cut this shit out."

2. If we ever do end up fighting, we need to be properly prepared to deal with it.

And that is how we ended up spending an afternoon making anger management sock puppets.

Friedrich von Heimlich (mine)

General Ling Ling (Holly's)

Peacefully assertive conflict resolution!

I need to put up a picture of Erin's puppet, Tweak, but for some reason every photo I take of him turns out blurry. Like a Japanese horror movie.

And a good time was had by all. Except the puppets.

Happy Wednesday.

2009-04-01T17:00:56Z

Just bought socks and gin. God damn do I feel like a hobo.

Just so we're clear on this.

2009-03-26T04:14:21Z

[22:49] bigorangeperson: i am saving some of this gin that i am drinking for when i come over
[22:49] Seiran79: Is it good gin?
[22:49] bigorangeperson: no
[22:49] Seiran79: Fair enough.

Ha ha ha J/K.

2009-03-17T20:50:27Z

Strike that.

I am still tired as all hell.