In Coffee Spoons

Leavin' room for the Holy Spizzle, yo.

2009-11-18T21:10:01Z

GIMME THAT CHRISTIAN SIDE HUG

THAT CHRISTIAN SIDE HUG

Probably the only place to hear the line "I'm a rough rider/filled up with Christ's love" and definitely the only place to hear a rapper admonish you about being inappropriate.

You guys do realize that at this point you are parodying yourselves, right?

(via shoesonwrong)

Hello Cutty.

2009-11-17T21:06:56Z

Hello Kitty tattoo? Adorable. Hello Kitty raw wounds? A little bit WTF.

I can only imagine the way this turned out, being done in that house by that guy with those supplies. When you are sopping up blood with paper towels in *any* situation, mistakes have been made.

You must admit.

2009-11-10T04:13:56Z

Waiter: Would you like some coffee?
Woman: Yes, please.
Waiter: Just say when. (Starts to pour.)
Woman: There. (He keeps pouring.) That’s fine. (He pours.) Stop! (She grabs the pot; there is coffee everywhere.)
Waiter: Yes, ma’am.
Woman: Well, why didn’t you stop pouring?
Waiter: Oh, I wasn’t sure you meant it.
Woman: Look, of course I meant it! I have coffee all over my lap! You nearly burned me!
Waiter: Forgive me, ma’am, but you certainly looked thirsty. I thought you wanted more.
Woman: But -
Waiter: And you must admit, you did let me start to pour.

(From Until Someone Wakes Up, a play written by Carolyn Levy and a group of Macalester College students)

@ Feminist Law Professors, thank you Smeg for the link.

Hear ye, hear ye.

2009-10-23T05:30:44Z

The guy in the apartment next to you is a Werewolf. No big deal.

The family that owns the 7/11 downstairs? Vampires. Yeah.

There's a cat outside in the street, making a hell of a noise. At any moment, it might shift into a socially inept human.
The Mage across the street usually throws a shoe at him.

It's just another night in Porter City.

Streets of Porter City is an RPG for Original Characters. Think World of Darkness meets Law and Order with a dash of Supernatural and a pinch of True Blood. Prompts and minor plots are offered every two weeks, game-wide plots will be introduced with more activity, and in-game events are hosted every month.
OPEN NOW! JOIN BEFORE THE FIRST PLOTS ARE INTRODUCED!

Good players (myself included), good people (myself included), much fun. C'mon over.

P.s. Details of my trip to come. Been a little too tired/sick/dead since I got back to contemplate stuffing that much information into one journal entry.

fap fap fap

2009-10-10T18:17:34Z

EPIC MICKEY MOTHERFUCKING CONFIRMED.

I have not picked up the Game informer issue highlighting it yet (going to do so tomorrow or Monday). First details @ Aussie-Nintendo reveal a great plot:

"The game explores the existence of a forgotten world, a place where lesser-known Disney characters are relegated to. A dark and depressing land filled with broken rides and set pieces, these unloved characters have become bitter and twisted. Lead by Oswald the Rabbit (Disney's first ever creation - long before Mickey Mouse), they now seek revenge for what they've become."

I love it. I mean, the entire concept of a steampunk dystopia Disney is impossible not to love. But Erin's already going over potential character appearances (The Aussie Nintendo shows a revamped Phantom Blot that gave her a Ladies' Moment) and I'm going over potential ride/attraction appearances. This is really going to be a chunk of Disney history.

It's confirmed for the Wii, and confirmed that the project is being headed by Warren Spector. I was impressed when I simply heard that Spector was going to be involved, and am double-impressed after Game Informer's video interview showcasing his insane Disney fanboyism.

For those of you who missed the leaked concept art, check it out.

Now...I just wait god only knows how long for the game to actually come out. ;_;

Those who can, post. Those who can't, post chatlogs.

2009-10-07T19:31:43Z

dissolute19: *fixes you a gin & aspirin cocktail*
dissolute19: Oooh, I am naming my new cocktail the Blood Thinner Bullet Train.

[11:46] dissolute19: And he has a parakeet. That is fantastic.
[11:46] dissolute19: I don't know why a golem with a parakeet is utterly fantastic, but there you go.

[11:50] dissolute19: Hey, you're not technically Jewish either. You're ground.

[00:04] dissolute19: War gives you ouchies!
[00:05] dissolute19: (This kind of eloquence is why I never ran for political office.)

[22:00] Seiran79: I can tell you just got out of the theatre cause you spelled potato with an e.

seiran_o19o: I think every Craigslist ad title should end in "+herpes".

[17:32] dissolute19: Geeking because Disney's doing a steampunk dystopia game.
[17:32] dissolute19: I say as if there were a lot of steampunk utopias.

[14:19] Seiran79: I need to either double-dose my allergy medication or commit suicide.
[14:19] Seiran79: It's a serious toss-up at this point.

[14:26] Seiran79: The base components of real babies do not randomly rearrange themselves into abstract patterns.
[14:26] Seiran79: If they did, I would have one next to my lava lamp.

My unbirthday resolution is to update more often.

2009-09-24T04:25:10Z

"Idiom" by Matej Kren

Found @ foundshit.com who found it somewhere else.

What I did on my summer vacation.

2009-08-31T05:34:06Z

Uno

Dos

Tres

You Are The Moon

2009-08-19T15:44:36Z

Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone

You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky
So you can see your beauty every moment that you rise

Yep.

2009-08-14T01:58:05Z

Erin and I showed this to Mom the other night and said "This makes us think of you."

Since the conversation about the Sarah Palin bumper sticker on Dad's truck, Mom's been singing it and whacking her forehead.

DUN da duh DUH duh da dun DUN da duh DUH duh da dun.

2009-08-11T15:20:42Z

[01:19] Seiran79: THUMBS-UP
[01:19] Seiran79: NO ASTERISKS
[01:19] Seiran79: I AM STATING THUMBS-UP VERBALLY AS A FACT.

[21:05] Seiran79: Ashley, your kidneys work!

[00:20] Seiran79: Dude, you're so upset you just used the word arounded.

[20:49] Seiran79: If he spent a night with you without sex, he really likes you too.
[20:49] Seiran79: Either that or I have a very skewed and cycnical view of men.

[17:46] Seiran79: Because, in my experience, the best way to deal with deeply painful events is for other people to make fun of them on the internet.

[00:32] Seiran79: Everyone's job should have a bloopers reel.
[00:32] Seiran79: Not just actors and the LAPD.

[18:07] Seiran79: Hey what's that theme song that goes like DUN da duh DUH duh da dun DUN da duh DUH duh da dun oh yeah Torchwood. Thanks!

[23:09] dissolute19: Well. My motto is "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." And, as always, it fails to apply here.
[23:09] dissolute19: But I stand by it.

[16:00] dissolute19: German either sounds hilarious or guh-sexy. There is no in between.
[16:02] dissolute19: (I'm classifying "scary-angry" under "guh-sexy", cause I have Issues.)

[14:00] dissolute19: I think it would be more like gargling mayonnaise.
[14:00] dissolute19: Not fresh mayonnaise.

[00:28] dissolute19: Well, if you're gonna screw up your knee, you do want a titty bar to be involved.

[00:16] dissolute19: I promise to be very appreciative if you ever flash me.
[00:16] dissolute19: Particularly given the effort involved with finding, traveling to, and breaking into my house.

[14:47] dissolute19: The whimpering at the end is particularly nice.
[14:47] dissolute19: These are the kind of sentences that are going to be used against me in court someday.

Bizzay dizzay

2009-08-07T17:00:52Z

Have not been around due to internet kafucked. At the lab as much as possible, which will increase when fall semester begins kicking my ass in a couple of weeks.

Fall semester:

Medical Ethics & Law
Office Word Processing
Medical Office Procedures
Medical Records Management
Medical Transcription II

At least all but one (Ethics & Law) is online/FLEX. I *was* looking forward to an entire semester in my pajamas, but I guess we'll see how it goes.

Enjoying limited tagging and unlimited reading on my whole entire three weeks of summer vacation. Trip to the dunes soon-ish. Mmmm sand.

Utterly unrelated:

The Rated "R" Meme
✘ comment with a character of mine. (Any game)
✘ receive three bits of trivia about their sexuality: practices, preferences, experiences, fantasies, kinks, etc.

Wine Red

2009-08-06T18:36:41Z

Who shot that arrow in your throat?
Who missed the crimson apple?
It hung heavy on the tree above your head

This chaos, this calamity, this garden once was perfect
Give your immortality to me; I'll set you up among the stars

Gloria,
We lied, we can't go on
This is the time and this is the place to be alive

Who shot that arrow in your throat?
Who missed the crimson apple?
And there is discord in the garden tonight

The sea is wine red
This is the death of beauty
The doves have died
The lovers have lied

I cut the arrow from your neck
Stretched you beneath the tree
Among the roots and baby's breath
I covered us with silver leaves

Gloria,
We lied, we can't go on
This is the time and this is the place to be alive

The sea is wine red
This is the death of beauty
The doves have died
The lovers have lied

The sea is wine red
This is the death of beauty
The doves have died
The lovers have lied

The sea is wine red (Gloria, we lied)
This is the death of beauty (we lied, this is the time and place)
The doves have died (Gloria, we lied)
The lovers have lied (this is the time and place)

Hey. I exist.

2009-06-21T19:54:07Z

As Kairi pointed out, the longer you put off making your big "This is what's been going on" journal update, the harder it gets. Rambling ho!

School is going...well, it's going. Just a few more weeks left and then I can start worrying about fall semester, which I have to cram a lot of credits into. At least I will no longer be laboring under a flaky teacher whose typos skew the entire course, or a flaky teacher who signs all her correspondence "Peace, love and laughter".

Redoing the outside of the house is pretty much finished. I believe. I hope. I sincerely hope. Looks good. Pics forthcoming.

Went to Mackinac with Mom and Erin, pics also forthcoming. Three guys sitting behind us on the ferry were doing the boat song, so that was stuck in my head all day. We went for the Lilac Festival, but the problem with planning a festival around nature is that nature does not always get the memo. It's been a terrible year for lilacs everywhere. Good times were had anyway. Horses, sunshine, seaside, ice cream, ridiculously expensive gift shops, good times.

Ashley and I both celebrated 25 years without fatal accidents!

KI cake, which wasn't even intentional. We each picked a color we wanted.

This picture will only make sense to one person. That is all that is necessary.

The centre of the adorable birthday fruit plate at the Chinese restaurant we went to. Ashley, don't you have pictures of the little orange peel rabbits?

(Naturally, I have no pictures of the birthday girls. Just food. Go me.)

My fancy-ass camera makes me look like a much better photographer than I am sometimes.

Holly and I are planning a kickass party for the 4th and if you're reading this, chances are pretty damn good you're invited. As kickass as this party is going to be (it is going to be kickass), I'm really just excited to be celebrating Independence Day for the first time since I was a kid. I actually feel patriotic. Not ironically or post 9-11 bandwagony, but genuinely thrilled to see an amazing president turning our country around and making it into something to be proud of again. (President Obama, you are so invited to our party.)

Ummmmmmmm um um. That might be it. For now. I've been reading a lot but I'll save that list for its own entry. I have a lot of random pictures to post. And some memes. Later. Woo.

</rambling>

DO WANT.

2009-06-12T06:00:13Z

Birthday party is tomorrow.

Birthday cake was picked up today.

I am being Patient And Good.

Like this, but more pathetic. A lot more pathetic.

I thought so little they rewarded me by making me the ruler of the Queen's navy!

2009-06-11T03:02:21Z

Typos.

TYPOS.

Oh wait, typos in my favour.

I've emailed her regarding the ones that have actually affected my grade. I refrained from pointing out how many times our textbook stresses the importance of accuracy.

Because, you know, it's only medical data entry.

It's not like what goes in a patient's health records has to be exact.

Not at all.

My professors LOVE me.

2009-05-28T00:33:22Z

Assignment: Write about a memorable childhood event.

Here's my list of possible topics so far.

The Great Potater Incident
The Great Tomater Incident
The Peanut Stuck Up My Nose
The Day I Killed Tommy
The Clown Who Molestered Me
Too Many Hot Dogs
When Momma Birthed the Halfbreed
Daddy Became A Woman
The Day We Shot JFK
Taking The Entire Fist
Killing My First Thai Hooker
When the Dead Walked the Earth

Now accepting votes, alternate suggestions, and moral outrage.

Like you wouldn't have spent the quarter.

2009-05-26T04:30:47Z

Erin and I hit the Memorial weekend garage sales on Sunday.

I love the things you know you will see every time you go to garage sales. The porcelain and silver stuff that looks old and valuable, but never turns out to be. A blue tarp with rusty old machine parts spread over it. Retro kitchen appliances besides their retro boxes with their white plastic all yellowed. Cardboard boxes full of identical-looking Harlequin romance novels. A little table of things covered in crochet cosies, like tissue boxes and candle holders. The NASCAR beer steins and chipped coffee mugs with witty little gems like "Life's a beach". A sad jumble of crappy toys, about half from the Happy Meals of your childhood.

There were a couple inexplicable finds that day. This would have been fun to dress up, but I don't have room in my closet. This, um. I don't know what the hell this is. Guesses so far have been some kind of dust mop attachment and some kind of homemade bicycle seat cover.

The highlight of the day, though? The Mystery Box.

Me: O.O

Erin: Oh, no.

Me: O.O

Erin: No!

Me: Ooooooooooh!

Erin: You are a rube.

Me: Sir! Sir! I shall take this box!

Two dimes and a nickel later...the box turned out to be empty.

Me: ;_;

Erin: A rube, I say.

The plan is to fill the box with a bunch of random stuff and sneak it into someone else's garage sale on another weekend. I've got a wrench, a Barbie head, a Ramen seasoning packet (chicken), a bent pushpin, some fuzzy purple yarn. Other suggestions are welcome.

And afterwards, Erin took me for watermelon ice cream. How long have I been saying watermelon should be an ice cream flavour? A very. Long. Time.

Best day ever!

A gentleman and a scholar? NAY, SIR.

2009-05-20T04:36:58Z

Assignment: Write a letter to your instructor in which a friend or someone you know well introduces you. This sample will help us ensure that you have been placed properly in English.

To Whom It May Concern,

This is a letter of introduction for Megan Denley-Scott; no doubt she selected me to pen this missive in the hopes that I would laud her talents and abilities regarding command of the English language, or perhaps her personal character. I intend to do neither.

For the sad truth of the matter is, Ms. Denley-Scott is a lout and a drunkard. Heaven only knows what madness drives her to the devil’s drink, but as the foul brew passes her lips it leaves behind a coating of pure venom on her wretched tongue. Many a time have I attempted to begin an idle evening’s conversation at our supper club, and been met with the most foul and abusive rejoinders one can imagine in return.

The thick slur of her speech is not, unfortunately, a hindrance to this end. From only a few coherent words in a string of gibberish, one may infer the most nefarious of meanings; the intention of “dunderheaded pigeonbrained gibbetmind” is quite clear, even if the surrounding phrases are “Gnnaaaaaah” and “Nnnngluh.” I do not know if she will transcribe such phrases to her English assignments, or if her handwriting will simply be an incomprehensible scrawl stained with inkblots and rotgut spirits.

Equally unpleasant is Ms. Denley-Scott’s tendency towards sobriquets. It is not with fondness or camaraderie that she refers to myself as “Nancy Dandypants”, “Dandy Nancypants”, or “Arseface McGee”. Rest assured that such nicknames will find their way towards you and the poor others in your classroom. Furthermore, their interchangeable nature will make it difficult to discern to whom she is directing her remarks. This is owing to the brief attention span her drunkenness allows, and please be forewarned that the same will lead to other errors such as repeating the word “bugger” twenty times in a sentence or hitting you over the head with a bottle when she has hit you over the head with a bottle just moments before. (Indeed I should be remiss not to make final note that head trauma is not a possibility but a certainty in your everyday dealings with her.)

With these considerations in mind do I leave you, wishing you the best of luck and God’s patience in dealing with the most detestable member of the Boar’s Head Supper Club.

Regards,

Frances Fitzwilliam III, Esq.

The Tyger

2009-05-17T22:58:21Z

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

(William Blake)

The Sick Rose

2009-05-17T22:57:55Z

O Rose, thou art sick!
The invisible worm,
That flies in the night,
In the howling storm,

Has found out thy bed
Of crimson joy;
And his dark secret love
Does thy life destroy.

(William Blake)

Summer semester.

2009-05-14T16:14:18Z

* Health Software Systems

* Medical Transcription

* Keyboarding

* Moar English Comp.

Someone please explain to me why Keyboarding is not a prerequisite for the two above it.

"The thing about computers is they're really technical." --My Software Systems professor. Oh good lord.

1988.

2009-05-11T17:08:35Z

And now you know where I get my sense of humor, too.

2009-05-10T16:52:19Z

In honor of Mother's Day: Memorable quotes/conversations with my mom.

~

Random quotes:

"Jesus wants us to love each other and help each other and not pay too much attention to the rest, because a lot of the Bible is just, y'know, stuff."

"Praise Jesus and pass the prozac."

"The only thing worse than clown sex would be mime sex."

"I'm not voting unless it's for 'neither of the above'. Or Gumby. Gumby is neither of the above."

"I just had an epiphany! Ooh, I just had another one! I'm either having epiphanies or small strokes. Either way, I'm seeing pretty flashes of light."

~

Mom: I'm glad I don't have eye stalks.

Me: What?

Mom: Well, just imagine if your eyes were on stalks like an alien, instead of in your head. I'd be very depressed.

~

Me: We can't have the cake with the wine. Wine doesn't compliment chocolate.

Mom: Yes, it does! *holds up cake and makes it talk in squeaky voice to wine* Hi there! You look great! You're so full-bodied! I love you!

~

Mom: I don't wanna go to work.

Me: Don't go to work.

Mom: They don't pay me unless I do.

Me: We will live on gumdrops and candy canes brought to us by the elves.

Mom: Okay, that's one plan. Does my eye look better? (Mom hurt her eye earlier and it turned all red and disgusting.)

Me: Nope.

Mom: Good. I'll act like it's a symptom of something even worse. I'll take some liver in my purse and pretend to throw it up at the meeting. Can you throw up your own liver?

Me: I don't know of any disease that causes both retinal bruising and vomiting internal organs.

Mom: Darn. Well, I do like gumdrops.

~

Me: This is stupid. I have to write a story where every sentence starts with the next letter of the alphabet.

Mom: Asshole. Bitch. Cunt. Damn. So on, so on. Zachary had Tourette's.

~

Me: Maybe Charlotte would stop whining if we got another cat.

Mom: What? A kitten?

Me: Yeah, a baby for her to play with. Keep her occupied.

Mom: It didn't work for you when I had Erin...

~

Erin: That guy had a cute butt.

Mom: That's not what you're supposed to be paying attention to! Baptists do not...they're not....Baptists don't have butts!

Me: Not your best save, mom.

Erin: Well, what do they sit on, then?

Mom: On Jesus.

~

Me: I read the other day that supposedly life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.

Mom: *looks around* PLBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBT!

~

Jesus.

2009-05-06T20:46:46Z

Had a nightmare last night.

I was in an enormous library, wandering around the floor that was divided into various scientific sections and had all of these antique specimens. I came to a room that had nothing but a giant aquarium, labeled "carnivorous species". I went up to it and looked in, and there were black piranhas and weird eel things and something vague and blurry circling in the very back of the tank. And a lot of dead things. Little dead fish floating at the top, big dead fish half-eaten at the bottom, parts of deer and cows suspended in clouds of blood.

I tapped on the glass, and a huge shark came out of nowhere and slammed up against it, trying to bite my hand. I stumbled back and the shark kept pounding on the glass until it began to crack. Water started to spout up out of the open top of the aquarium, hit the ceiling and then spray down all over the room, and dead fish were falling down with it. When an entire dead deer slammed onto the floor and the cracks in the glass began to spread, I turned and ran.

I was crashing through this endless library with water roaring behind me, running from the water and the shark. I heard people screaming and shelves toppling and I turned back to look just before this dirty, bloody water hit me. Then the room was flooded and I was trapped at the bottom under a huge dead fish. There was a big white fin pinning my arm, and my left side was jammed into its gory torn-open belly and caught there, and I was fighting like hell to get free before I drowned or got eaten.

That's when I woke up struggling under all of my blankets and all of my pillows, with my left side jammed between the bed and the wall.

Jesus.

Erin, did this motherfucker get lost en route to your room?