In Coffee Spoons

"Idiom" by Matej Kren



Found @ foundshit.com who found it somewhere else.

Had me a fine weekend.

Annie and Ryan were up, and they came over Friday night. We took turns sucking ass at Cooking Mama, went out for pizza, sat on the curb outside Radio Shack and passed around a bag of marshmallows (while talking about how sad it was to be doing that) and then decided Erin was due to get drunk for the first time ever. And she did indeed! It was very adorable.

Erin: *weaving back and forth across room* Hahaha! I thought that whole balance thing was made up!

Annie: Can you hand me that?
Erin: No. Well, I could, but I'm lazy and I've got a drink in my hand.
Megan: See, NOW you're in college.

We were drinking rum and coke, UV Blue, and Jager bombs. Erin found out she likes all three, which I think increases the number of drinks she likes to...three. We got her to do a few shots as well, which she had said she would not do. (I think the shots were of the leftover pomegranate vodka? From when Holly came over?) Annie and I got "where did my pants go" bombed. Ryan killed half a bottle of Jager. On his own. In one drink. And was completely sober within a few hours. Good times. Good times.

P.S. Tattoo Dark Spiced Rum? Yummy yummy.

Saturday Annie and Ryan and I mini-road-tripped it on over to TC. Really, going anywhere from my house is a 2 hour drive. It's the shameless singing along to bad pop music that makes the mini-road-trip difference. We did a bit of aimless meandering in Hocus Pocus, which is really all one does in Hocus Pocus. The guy there did a couple tricks for Annie-- the one with the cups and the ball, the one with the little jewel stick-- and she was delighted, either because she possesses an innocent childlike joy or because she'd accidentally taken two Klonopin. We went to Borders, where I used up something like fifty bucks worth of credit card reward coupons-- got a book on the beginnings of modern surgery, a humongous H.P. Lovecraft collection, and a complete Arthur Rimbaud collection with a hideous blue and orange cover. (I say hideous, but I love it dearly.)

We also went to dinner at at one of those janky strip-mall Chinese buffets with Jake, a friend of Ryan's, and Jake's girlfriend Egg. Egg is not actually named Egg. But I cannot remember her real name. Because she is Egg. The food was awful. Annie and I were sitting together at one end of the table, exchanging pathetic expressions every time we tried something. The fried rice was bad. The fried rice. I'm not even sure how you do that. We were also sitting together at the end of the table ignoring Jake's chatter about dagohir and ignoring Egg. I think Jake's serious interest in dagohir pretty much sums up Jake.

The food was, in fact, so bad that Ryan treated us to ice cream afterwards. Which was awesome, because it was Cold Stone. And which sucked, because somebody fucking tipped.

Sunday I mainly spent going "blaaaaaaaaaaaargh" from an overdose of alcohol and human contact.

Good times. Good times.

1. Explore my personal philosophy.

2. Learn more about philosophy.

3. Never stop learning.

4. Get my certification as a medical clerk.

5. Have an excellent semester.

6. Become a better writer.

7. Write every day.

8. Write ten poems.

9. Post 43 of my favourite poems.

10. Own a bookstore.

11. Read 100 books.

12. Read more classics.

13. Be more creative.

14. Learn how to draw.

15. Learn how to paint.

16. Make a collage.

17. Post 43 of my favourite works of art.

18. Learn more about art history.

19. Learn more about music.

20. Listen to more classical music.

21. Post 43 of my favourite song lyrics.

22. Make a short film.

23. Make an indie horror film.

24. Watch more art films.

25. Watch more foreign films.

26. Learn French.

27. Learn Welsh.

28. Learn Japanese.

29. Travel the world.

30. Become a fabulous cook.

31. Try new recipes.

32. Explore new flavours of tea.

33. Lose 55 pounds.

34. Eat healthier.

35. Eat more fruits and vegetables.

36. Exercise daily.

37. Do my yoga and meditation every day.

38. Stop pulling my hair.

39. Stop picking my skin.

40. Cleanse my face every morning and night.

41. Be unapologetically listy.

42. List 43 men I wouldn't kick outta bed.

43. List 43 women I wouldn't kick outta bed.

@ 43things.com

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next seven sentences in your journal along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.

He lifted the host in consecration with an aching remembrance of the joy it once gave him; felt once again, as he did each morning, the pang of an unexpected glimpse from afar and unnoticed of a long-lost love.

He broke the Host above the chalice.

"Peace I leave you. My peace I give you..."

He tucked the Host inside his mouth and swallowed the papery taste of despair.

When the Mass was over, he polished the chalice and carefully placed it in his bag. He rushed for the seven-ten train to Washington, carrying pain in a black valise.

--The Exorcist, William Peter Blatty

(This book is seriously terrible. Go movie go.)

Who'll save the poor little girl?
Henry Darger, Henry Darger
Who'll save the poor little girl?
Henry, Henry
Oh Henry Oh
Henry, Henry

Who'll tell the story of her?
Henry Darger, Henry Darger
Who'll tell it to all the world?
Henry, Henry
Oh Henry Oh
Henry, Henry

Who'll buy the carbon paper now?
Henry Darger, Henry Darger
Who'll trace the lines of her mouth?
Henry, Henry
Oh Henry Oh
Henry, Henry

Who will conquer foreign worlds searching for the stolen girls?
Princesses you'll never fear the patron saint of girls is here!
Who will draw the cavalry in and risk his very own precious skin
To make our Angelina a free and peaceful land again?

Who'll love a poor orphan child
Henry Darger, Henry Darger
Lost, growing savage and wild?
Henry, Henry
Oh Henry Oh
Henry, Henry..

Guy on the bus: How long you been drivin' buses?

Driver: 30 percent of a century!

Guy: So...three years?

Driver: ...

(later on in the conversation)

Guy: So they closed cause they couldn't compete with Starbucks, and now all the damn Starbucks is closin'!

Driver: That's what we call "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune".

Guy: Huh?

Driver: Shakespeare.

Guy: Oh, that guy! Yeah...*thoughtful* That guy got a good line or two, didn't he?

Human: Hello, Dante.

Dante: Fix the grapefruits are multiplying and I am not a very cool at all, my dear friend, named after a while. However, psychologists have found that attractive people tend to be a poor moon, especially if it was a well known classical pianist.

Human: Well, you're still broken.

Dante: well, yeah.

Human: Repeat after me: "The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain."

Dante: The rain in Spain stays mainly on the edge of the fittest and such?

Human: Nearly! "The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain."

Dante: "The rain in Spain stays mainly on the wind, As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

Human: So you are literate. You're just raving mad. A Poe fan indeed.

Dante: Ok fuckface, clam up

Human: Fair enough.

Dante: fair maiden!

Human: Bipolar as well.

Dante: Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him well.

Human: I can't believe you can quote all these authors and not sing a damn musical. Come on, now.

Dante: There is plenty of truth to that statement.

Human: No, come on. The RAIN in SPAIN stays MAINly on the PLAIN.

Dante: "The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plain."

Human: By Jove, I think he's got it!

Dante: beethoven is shit! music just waffles

Human: Or not.

Other boxes include:

• Magazines, femurs, glitter
  
• Books- Sci-Fi, narcotics, pornography
  
• Books- Fiction, stiletto heels, cigarillos, men's hearts
  
• Tea, snacks, shame, regret
  
• Kitchen gadgets, small animals, firearms
  
• Japanese dishes, canaries, yo-yos
  
• Comics, dirt, rocks, grass
  
• Books- Fiction, caterpillars, lollipops, swingsets
  
• Books- Poetry, coffee, ennui, nickels
  
• Books- Clive, banana peels, diamonds
  
• Books - Horror, small birds, owl pellets
  
• Knick knacks, odds, ends, stuff, junk, incriminating evidence
  

Oh my god I am so desperately in need of bookshelves. I brought a couple hundred of my books and still have more on the way from home.

Erin has been having quite the streak of good luck with her disturbing cartoon collection recently, and one of her YouTube finds was Felidae.

It's a murder mystery involving animal experimentation, freaky science, and religious cults. I've found it invariably compared to Watership Down; because it's told from an animal POV, and because a book was turned into a horrific animated nightmare never intended for children and inevitably shown to them anyway. (Given the experimentation angle, I'd call Plague Dogs a better comparison.) It's not great, it's got flaws, but it's original enough and scary enough to be more than worth your time.

So this left us all looking for the book. Apparently Erin's streak of good luck passed on to me, because I found it quite by accident in the library. Gulped it down in one sitting last night.

The verdict: Not so good.

It does, of course, flesh out certain characters and scenes much better than a movie can. Especially the professor and his deterioration, which is told in a chapter of journal entries. It's wonderful and much more convincing.

The surreal dream scenes are just as horrifying as in the movie. There's even an additional one involving endlessly murdered kittens.

But for the most part, this was just painful to read. It's poorly written. Very, very poorly. Ham-fisted and overeager.

It's like he's very self-consciously adding "I AM A WRITER, LOOK AT ME WRITE" elements. Long, ridiculous analogies and purple-prosed similes. Equally purple, cliche descriptions of setting and character. Long emphatic tirades on human nature with no basis whatsoever in believable dialogue.

When he drops his self-conscious writing "act" and actually just *writes*, it's not bad. The dream sequences, as I've said, are great. There are quite a few scenes towards the end where he cuts the crap and goes into clear, captivating storytelling mode with very suspenseful results.

It's just a pity that he takes an entire book to hit that stride.

(P.S. nitpick: There are also too many moments in which one character finds himself expositioning to another. In CSI, it is ludicrous that a lab tech needs to explain to another lab tech how he used his lab technology. In Felidae, it is ludicrous that a cat needs to explain to another cat how he used his cat senses.)

(P.P.S. There's apparently a sequel.)

Okay, I expected liberties to be taken with Prince Caspian. I did. It's one of the shortest books in the series, and fairly weak on its own.

But...

Good idea: Expand the existing plot, using the substantial chapters of backstory provided in the beginning and a better overview of the significant changes that have taken place in the last centuries.

Bad idea: Ignore the chance to develop backstory and, in fact, cut quite a bit of it out in favor of battle scenes copied from the first movie.

Worse idea: Ignore the chance to develop backstory and, in fact, cut quite a bit of it out in favor of battle scenes copied from the first movie. THEN completely make up a ridiculous romantic pairing.

Worst idea: Ignore the chance to develop backstory and, in fact, cut quite a bit of it out in favor of battle scenes copied from the first movie. THEN completely make up a ridiculous romantic pairing. THEN completely make up a contrived story midway through that screws up the religious content, completely goes against both the character's motivations/personalities *and* their relationships in the book, and adds weird, negative dimensions to the entire damn thing. But will allow you to add MORE battle scenes!

@$!@^!#^!#$@#@#!&%&()&(*)^%!#$@$!@$WTFJesusballs. Seriously.

Also, way to undermine this series' improved portrayal of women.

In the first movie, I was pleased to see lines like "Battles are ugly when women fight" cut/changed, and Susan actually involved in the battles and fighting well.

In the second movie, I was considerably less pleased to see an extra scene written in with Susan falling over like a horror movie bimbo and requiring rescue from the dashing prince. (Did I mention that this relationship is ridiculous?)

Yes, a series already controversial for sexist content really needs some sweepin'-off-the-feet added. Bravo.

So I'm looking forward to Dawn Treader and dreading Last Battle.

Dawn Treader is my favorite, and a much more adaptation-friendly story, what with the decent length and the high seas adventurin' and whatnot, and I really want to see this series pull itself back up to the level of the first movie.

Last Battle, the most important chance to either condemn or redeem Susan as a female character, is probably not going to pick the right option. God damn it.

P.S. EDDIE IZZARD AS REEPICHEEP THE SWASHBUCKLING MOUSE.

"I'm sometimes asked how I would like to be remembered. I've had a diverse career as a writer, underwater explorer, space promoter and science populariser. Of all these, I want to be remembered most as a writer — one who entertained readers, and, hopefully, stretched their imagination as well."


Arthur C. Clarke
December 17, 1917 – March 19, 2008


~



"Badder than old king kong, and meaner than a junkyard dog."

Jay Schafer

• Egad
  
  
• Gadzooks
  
  
• By jove
  
  
• I say
  
  
• Golly
  
  
• Shucks
  
  
• Old chap
  
  
• Young fellow-me-lad
  
  
• Confusticate and bebother
  
  
• Brobdingnagian
  
  
• Damnable
  
  
• Infernal
  
  
• Gay (as in a gay lark in the meadow)
  
  
• Frolic
  
  
• By jiminy
  
  
• Tarnation
  
  
• Tomfoolery
  
  

Note: I am not sure anyone outside a Tolkien novel has ever said "Confusticate and bebother", but it quite obviously belongs on this list.

I *was* going to call this "A post that does NOT involve famous dead people", but nooo, Heath Ledger had to go and spoil that for me. It sucks that he's dead, not because I admired him terribly as an actor or anything, but because this has completely halted a Terry Gilliam film featuring Tom Waits.

Allow me to repeat that: A Terry Gilliam film featuring Tom Waits.

FUCK.

~

The Tiger Lillies:

“The criminal castrati and his accordion driven anarchic Brechtian street opera trio performing their unique mix of falsetto crooning, strange gypsy music, cabaret from hell and deranged black comedy all over the World.”

Heart. Heart. Heart. Heart. Heart.

~

Reading a lot. Reading a lot of Ruth Rendell/Barbara Vine. I don't understand it, but Ruth Rendell's novels under her own name are much better than the ones she's written as Barbara Vine. It's like her junk pile pseudonym.

~

Erin wrote a really amazing story and you should read it because I am extremely fucking proud of her.

~

My spam is now writing poetry of a sort.

It is lucky moment to be in an excess of joy
Just dont hesitate
And the glariest ladies can entertain you
When you see indecent show without paying any penny

~

The movie "Gamebox 1.0" cannot tell the difference between ninjas and zombies. Which is sad. Really, really sad. And dangerous.

~

Aaaand the big update- Dad slipped on the ice out at the lake, and fractured his knee. Whereas a normal, sane person would get himself to the truck and go to Urgent Care, my father chose to get himself to the truck, go home, change his clothes, have dinner, and go to Urgent Care.

This is ultra big news because if Dad has to have surgery (waiting for MRI results on this) or have a cast put on (ditto MRI results), he won't be able to go back to work for some time.

If Dad can't go back to work, he's pretty much made up his mind to retire now instead of at the end of the year, since this would allow him to collect both retirement and disability.

Erin: What are we going to do if Dad retires and he's home all the time?
Me: I...don't know.

Mom: What am I going to do if your father retires and he's home all the time?
Me: I...don't know.

What are we going to do if Dad retires and he's home all the time?

I don't know.

~

Last but not least, I love my mom.

It's early in the morning, Mom's getting ready for work, I'm in the kitchen having a cup of coffee and enjoying the quiet.

Mom comes in and pours herself a cup of coffee. And we both just stand there in the kitchen, drinking our coffee, nice and quiet.

Mom: *apropos of fucking nothing at all* Why pubic hair?

Me: *spitting coffee all over myself* What?!

Mom: Our our underarms, either. I mean, it doesn't make any sense. It seems very random where we ended up with hair and where we didn't.

Me: ...

And then this afternoon, we're doing laundry. Just down in the basement, sorting laundry, nice and quiet.

Mom: I'm glad I don't have eye stalks.

Me: What?

Mom: Well, just imagine if your eyes were on stalks like an alien, instead of in your head. I'd be very depressed.

Me: ...